"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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