I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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