Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she smelled like a LAN party
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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