Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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