i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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