I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize