I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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