he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
