so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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