I CAN MOONWALK!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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