things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
