I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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