i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
