I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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