it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
