I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
try to milk me bitch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
