Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
