OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He better not be in your backpack
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
