Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
