anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize