We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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