I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
