You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
