I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
