The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
