Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
