now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
