Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
