You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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