I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
