i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
