Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
tell me about the eggs
Randomize