So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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