If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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