I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
