she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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