mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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