alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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