He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
