I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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