i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
