she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In America we eat man semen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
