you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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