she woke up with a sticky ear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
