There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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