I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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