She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
