I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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