ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
