i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
