This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
