i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
