Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
