She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize