Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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