I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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