ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
