I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
