He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
