Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
