Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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