after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize